Most of us spend many of our waking hours scrolling through our Facebook, Twitter and or Instagram newsfeeds. Whether it is just to remain update with friends or family or to promote businesses, music or books, because of the fact that I am author, I have multiple uses for my platform. Promotion, networking, engaging with friends and family, attracting new readers...the list goes on. And in doing so, it is not uncommon to come across or even attract potential business opportunities and opportunities for new friendships built solely around the topic of books. I will add that I have also met amazing people whom are most than just book buddies, but people I can genuinely call "friend".
But unfortunately, like all good things, there will be moments when the dark side of social media reveals itself. Sometimes through the acts of trolls, an ex who refuses to disappear from your life, or in my case a socially inept man with attachment issues who may also suffer from light to moderate narcissism.
Per usual, upon introduction, it's innocent conversation. And from my experience, he was actually an active member of my Facebook group Black Writers of Science Fiction and Urban Fantasy I believe for over a year. And it wasn't until a particular post I made in my group when he felt emboldened enough to slide in my DM's.
Now, being that he was a member of my group, I saw no harm in responding.
The engagements via Facebook messenger began in January of this year and as stated previously, the conversations were book related and harmless. However two weeks into periodic "hey how are you's" his comments on my posts became too much. Nearly every post whether it'd be book related or some poetic prose that popped in my mind, there he was with the flirting that was too hard to just ignore. On some level I felt he was becoming a little too territorial with his comments- as if he were trying to let the world know that I was his.
No the fuck I am not and nor will I ever be.
The screenshots are not in order but one can see hot i just how casual things like this begins.
And it was around this time where I had enough and just blocked him.
The sad part is he messaged me on my fan page, apologizing while simultaneously pointing out a flaw in my book. He even sent me a screenshot from his kindle of a section (a small section) that repeated itself on the second page. I made the mistake of unblocking him to dryly respond to his message but afterwards, I attempted to block him again and was informed by Facebook that I have to wait a few days before I can block him again.
That was last week. Since then he has made repeat visits to my website, and even went out of his way to "like" several posts from my fanpage this morning. After seeing the notifcations I just went ahead and blocked him again.
Did that stop him? No.
On top of still attempting to find a way to contact me, he asks me if The Lost Queen is my first book, which implies his attempt to downgrade my writing to that of an amateur's. Mind you his catalogue I believe is comprised of less than five books AND for someone who deems his writing to be much more superior than mine, that did not stop him from approaching me for advice initially.
But all of this was just the icing on the cake. I do not understand why he thought it would be a good idea to contact another author (with whom we are mutually friends with) and ask her to message me with his apology. I had opted to deal with this matter quietly and as maturely as possible without kicking up any dust. I was willing to allow him to sit behind his computer and sulk without having to bring all of this to the forefront.
He wanted my attention and now he has an entire public Facebook post and a whole blog dedicated just to him.
In conclusion, fellas this is prime example of what not to do. You cannot force a woman to like you let alone love you. Obsession is real you guys. And moving forward I will do what is necessary to protect myself and those around me. I never told this man I was interested in him. I was just friendly. Thats all. Unfortunately some men have a hard time distinguishing a friendly woman from an interested woman.
Hopefully this man will seek help. He seriously needs it.