I almost quit publishing- AGAIN, for like the 20th time since I began this journey. By the end of 2023, I was burned out, frustrated, angry... I had wrapped up my book for the world building series The Eldritch Trials, which included 6 other authors. And to this day, this very moment, I honestly HATE my book, Sins of the Serpent King. I know I could have done better with it - had I been allowed to publish it in the original perspective that I started with. However, that is neither here nor there at this point. Perhaps in the distant future, I might circle back to it and rewrite it the way that I envisioned it.
Or not.
But that entire process of working with other authors was nothing more than the icing on the cake. I was exhausted and had been for a couple of years. Chasing a dream that I've carried since I was a child became a burden. My personal life was being overran by challenges; my job [at the time] drained me of all desires to do anything more than sleeping and trying to keep up with my writing goals plus commitments.
Simply put, I felt like I couldn't keep up with my author peers. I felt like I was not heard by those I participated in the world building project with. Once again, I felt as if I was failing personally, professionally... Every time I posted the link to Sins of the Serpent King, I was reminded of my low sales. I was teetering on the edge of deleting the entirety of my social media platforms and disappearing.
Instead, I decided to take a break.
At first, I wasn't sure what "taking a break" would look like. Setting aside my pen and turning off my laptop was fine, but I needed to do more. I decided to no longer align myself with authors who live beyond my time zone, because in truth, trying to accommodate the schedules of those who reside 2-3 hours ahead of me was both inconvenient and stressful. I left the job that caused me the most stress and found an environment that promotes peace, provides a safe place for me to work independently, room for growth and support. And then somewhere in the middle of that, I realized that I needed to take time to learn more about ME as a person outside of writing. I decided to focus on identifying the other interests that gave me happiness and fulfillment outside of story building.
And I did.
I leaned more into my spirituality, taking everything that I have studied and learned and practiced and turned it into my own venture.
And that is how my candle business began.
I love making candles. I have been creating my own candles for almost two years now and deciding to move forward with sharing another love of mine with the world has not been easy. There has been many a night where I stood in front of my wax pot, plagued with anxiety and self-doubt. However, there is something sacred about the act of creating a tangible product with my own recipes. I was even inspired to step outside of my comfort zones and learn how to make specialty dessert candles. I learned how to do something that I initially perceived as impossible.
Diving into my new ventures gave me time and space away from doing what I've always
loved to do: writing. And by doing so, I did not have to disappear. As a matter of fact, by focusing on other joys of mine, the creative energy designated specifically for storytelling has returned tenfold. I am overflowing with ideas and concepts for new material. I am excited to release my next wave of material, including the Blood of Sekhmet.
I am excited to write again.
But this time at my own pace. No deadlines. No collaborations that dictate what I am writing, or how it is expressed. Just me.
So, yeah, I did a thing. And I am proud of the thing I did.
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